What is your normal?
Every year, I invite business leaders to join our Christmas in November Leaders’ Retreat at Zorgvliet Wine Estate. I tell them it is an appointment with themselves: take the day, leave the office, switch off your phones. At the retreat, they are encouraged to use my framework to reflect on their past year and soulfully plan for the year to come. Later, I use an exercise, the “six-word memoir” to help them capture in six words their awareness of the day. And without exception, I am excited and fascinated about what these leaders take from the day, as well as their ability to create and capture something for themselves to hold on to.
At the end of last year’s retreat, one business leader’s six words were:
“Normal is a washing machine setting.”
Wow, did these words tell a story! I reflected on this for a long time and concluded that this was a critical and humorous observation on what we perceive as normal and how linear our perception of normality is. Is there even such a thing as normal? Who decides if something or someone is normal? Do we perceive dominant ideas or our culture as normal? What about somebody who is outside of this? Hey, what if we are all abnormal?
In therapy sessions, people would often ask: “Is this normal?”. If I answer “yes”, they feel better, but if I say “no”, they feel that they (we) need to work towards normality. I always feel uncomfortable having this much power in somebody’s life. I also believe the ethical responsibility to define normality is much broader, socially dependent, and relative to the context. However, the experience and sense of normality or abnormality can make or break someone’s identity. The need to belong and to fit in, and the need to be okay, really influence our perception of normality.
That’s why, perhaps due to my critical reflections on normality, I do not want to dismiss clinical realities, diagnosis and interventions – it is valuable and important. In The Myth of Normal, Gabor Mate challenges the conventional definitions of health. He argues that what we perceive as normal is often a response to harmful and stressful environments. We want to be safe, don’t we? He talks about the pressure of conformity in modern society and how this often leads to chronic disease. He proposes self-awareness and a life of authenticity as the remedy for this.
Does what you currently experience as normal influence your well-being?
Maybe it’s important to remember that “normal” is, after all, just a washing machine setting! This six-word memoir made me think critically about my own experience of normality. It also made me decide not to always subscribe to the dominant culture of ‘normal’. I realised that I could embrace my own experience of being different and choose to just be authentic.
This notion made me realise a few simple things.
– It is okay to sometimes act outside of what is perceived as normal.
– We experience a lot of stress and doubt because of this internal conversation.
– What we perceive as normal is often harmful, and the pressure to conform is real.
– Love yourself just as you are! Be authentic, it is okay.
– The experience of normality can build or break someone’s experience of themselves.
REFLECT
Take some time to reflect on your current experience of normality and how this influences your well-being. What or who influences this experience? Make notes on this.
RESPOND
Embrace one thing about yourself that is different and love yourself for it! Write this down on a Post-it note and stick it on your fridge. Take a picture of yourself and make a hard copy of it.
Try this:
Schedule time for yourself before the end of the year to take things slower. In the spirit of our Christmas in November Leaders’ Retreat, make an appointment with yourself to reflect on the year and maybe reflect further on your experience of normality. It doesn’t have to be a day retreat, just a few hours to disconnect. Or join the Leaders’ Retreat.
Choose not to be normal and BeSoulful!
Is your work experience normal? We are looking forward to creating some space for purposeful reflection at our annual Leaders’ Retreat (one day), called Christmas in November. If you want to know more, send me an email or book your spot here.
Please share your creative stories or soulful ideas with me at andre@besoulful.co.za.
If you want to schedule a retreat day for a small group, let me know!
Please share your creative stories or soulful ideas with me at andre@besoulful.co.za.