Many years ago, somebody came to see me in my therapeutic practice and, after a few sessions, he asked me, “So is this a real relationship for you or not?” This question kept me busy for a long time. I mean, how can I engage in deep personal discussions with people about their lives and their reality if it’s only a job for me? Is it a real connection, an authentic connection, as it should be? Yes, we were rightly taught about boundaries, professionalism, and so on, but in that conversational moment, the relationship needs to be genuine, real, and connected. Growth and healing are often underpinned by relationships and belonging.
When I work with business teams, I always start the session with a reflective check-in exercise, using music and asking the group to reflect on one thing they are grateful for. Stories about people and relationships often surface when they reflect on gratitude.
Human capacity and energy, according to Neurozone, is underpinned by four foundational drivers: your sleep-wake cycle, nutrition, exercise, and silencing the mind. However, I believe that relationships influence our energy and capacity and that we cannot go without them. So, I have added a fifth driver – connection and belonging. Yes, our energy levels are underpinned by sleep, exercise, eating and silent reflection, but also by our connections and relationships.
“There is an entire industry that helps us to be better leaders, better parents, exercise better, sleep better, eat better and yet nothing helps us to be a better friend?”
(From Brilliant Minds)
In June 2024, in a video from Brilliant Minds, Trevor Noah (comedian, writer, and author) and Simon Sinek (author and motivational speaker) engaged in an insightful conversation about the value of friendship, highlighting how this important aspect is often overlooked. They discuss how real friendship is something which not only improves our mental health but also makes us more successful. Noah refers to the ability to work on a friendship intentionally, and that nobody has taught us how to nurture friendships. Simple but so true!
In Noah and Sinek’s conversation, the question arises whether we are still willing to sacrifice important things for the sake of our friendships. What is the value of real relationships, and how do you prioritise them? When it comes to friendships, it is often easy to cancel, because “they’ll understand” or in our self-care practice and our relationships with ourselves, it is easy to postpone, because “it’s just me”. But will we so easily cancel a work meeting to have coffee with a friend? Sometimes we neglect the important things in life because we think our friends, families, and ourselves will understand.
“Friends will be there for you, your work won’t.” True? Not true! This is an interesting statement from Sinek – one with which I don’t agree. I regularly interact with people in organisations where the business is truly there for its people. Soulful organisations that prioritise people over work in a balanced way, and where there are real relationships, care and friendship. I hear employees telling me that the organisation is there for them when they need it and acknowledges their lives. This gives me plenty of hope! A business leader recently told me how much easier it is to do business with friends within real relationships – it sounds like a contradiction, but it’s true!
This need is also true in our spiritual journeys. John Ortberg (author, motivational speaker and pastor) mentions, “People want to belong, before they believe, before they behave.” Ortberg highlights the common human desire to feel connected, before changing behaviours and accepting new beliefs. “There is an entire industry that helps us to be better leaders, better parents, exercise better, sleep better, eat better and yet nothing helps us to be a better friend?” (From Brilliant Minds)
So, think about it: How intentional are you with your friendships, and how much time do you spend on them? Do you prioritise friendship?
While a lot of time is spent on training people in leadership, good habits, nutrition, parenting, and exercise, we somehow assume that friendships and relationships just happen. But they don’t! This notion woke me up to a few simple things:
- How important it is to deliberately prioritise people, even when I am in a leadership role.
- How I often postpone or neglect the people close to me.
- How my sense of belonging influences so much else in my life.
- How I need to prioritise time in friendship and deliberately sacrifice for this.
REFLECT
Take a moment to reflect on the important people in your life. Write down a few names. The people you call friends or want to call friends. Pause with each person for a while. What would it look like to sacrifice something for one of these relationships?
RESPOND
Make one small decision – what would the sacrifice look like? One simple step?
Try this:
- Cancel something important to have coffee with a friend.
- Sacrifice time or meetings to be with family.
- Next time, before you easily move an appointment with a friend or family member, stick to it.
- Deliberately teach your kids how to be good friends!
Celebrate the friendships in your life, invest your time in them and be thankful for them.
Go well

Watch the conversation between Sinek and Noah here.
Do share your creative stories or soulful ideas to [email protected].
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