Many years ago, somebody came to see me in my therapeutic practice and, after a few sessions, he asked me, “So is this a real relationship for you or not?” This question kept me busy for a long time. I mean, how can I engage in deep personal discussions with people about their lives and their reality if it’s only a job for me? Is it a real connection, an authentic connection, as it should be? Yes, we were rightly taught about boundaries, professionalism, and so on, but in that conversational moment, the relationship needs to be genuine, real, and connected. Growth and healing are often underpinned by relationships and belonging.

When I work with business teams, I always start the session with a reflective check-in exercise, using music and asking the group to reflect on one thing they are grateful for. Stories about people and relationships often surface when they reflect on gratitude.

Human capacity and energy, according to Neurozone, is underpinned by four foundational drivers: your sleep-wake cycle, nutrition, exercise, and silencing the mind. However, I believe that relationships influence our energy and capacity and that we cannot go without them. So, I have added a fifth driver – connection and belonging. Yes, our energy levels are underpinned by sleep, exercise, eating and silent reflection, but also by our connections and relationships.

“There is an entire industry that helps us to be better leaders, better parents, exercise better, sleep better, eat better and yet nothing helps us to be a better friend?”

(From Brilliant Minds)

In June 2024, in a video from Brilliant Minds, Trevor Noah (comedian, writer, and author) and Simon Sinek (author and motivational speaker) engaged in an insightful conversation about the value of friendship, highlighting how this important aspect is often overlooked. They discuss how real friendship is something which not only improves our mental health but also makes us more successful. Noah refers to the ability to work on a friendship intentionally, and that nobody has taught us how to nurture friendships. Simple but so true!

In Noah and Sinek’s conversation, the question arises whether we are still willing to sacrifice important things for the sake of our friendships. What is the value of real relationships, and how do you prioritise them? When it comes to friendships, it is often easy to cancel, because “they’ll understand” or in our self-care practice and our relationships with ourselves, it is easy to postpone, because “it’s just me”. But will we so easily cancel a work meeting to have coffee with a friend? Sometimes we neglect the important things in life because we think our friends, families, and ourselves will understand.

“Friends will be there for you, your work won’t.” True? Not true! This is an interesting statement from Sinek – one with which I don’t agree. I regularly interact with people in organisations where the business is truly there for its people. Soulful organisations that prioritise people over work in a balanced way, and where there are real relationships, care and friendship. I hear employees telling me that the organisation is there for them when they need it and acknowledges their lives. This gives me plenty of hope! A business leader recently told me how much easier it is to do business with friends within real relationships – it sounds like a contradiction, but it’s true!

This need is also true in our spiritual journeys. John Ortberg (author, motivational speaker and pastor) mentions, “People want to belong, before they believe, before they behave.” Ortberg highlights the common human desire to feel connected, before changing behaviours and accepting new beliefs. “There is an entire industry that helps us to be better leaders, better parents, exercise better, sleep better, eat better and yet nothing helps us to be a better friend?” (From Brilliant Minds)

So, think about it: How intentional are you with your friendships, and how much time do you spend on them? Do you prioritise friendship?

While a lot of time is spent on training people in leadership, good habits, nutrition, parenting, and exercise, we somehow assume that friendships and relationships just happen. But they don’t! This notion woke me up to a few simple things:

• How important it is to deliberately prioritise people, even when I am in a leadership role.
• How I often postpone or neglect the people close to me.
• How my sense of belonging influences so much else in my life.
• How I need to prioritise time in friendship and deliberately sacrifice for this.

REFLECT
Take a moment to reflect on the important people in your life. Write down a few names. The people you call friends or want to call friends. Pause with each person for a while. What would it look like to sacrifice something for one of these relationships?

RESPOND
Make one small decision – what would the sacrifice look like? One simple step?

Try this:

• Cancel something important to have coffee with a friend.
• Sacrifice time or meetings to be with family.
• Next time, before you easily move an appointment with a friend or family member, stick to it.
• Deliberately teach your kids how to be good friends!

Celebrate the friendships in your life, invest your time in them and be thankful for them.

Go well

Watch the conversation between Sinek and Noah here.

Do share your creative stories or soulful ideas to [email protected].
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I’m writing this “nudge” while sitting on a plane, boxed in between two people. It is fascinating to observe people in public spaces, especially when you cannot get up to do something. Just sit, be present, and observe. What are they thinking about? What is true for the person next to me? What music are they listening to? Will the guy next to me think this blog is worth anything? Okay, maybe I’m just thinking too much about others? But each person on this flight represents something and is experiencing something at this very moment.

I recently watched a video conversation between Brian Draper and Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer as part of Brian’s Lent reflections. Rosemerry is a poet, teacher, speaker, and writing facilitator, and she has been posting (sharing) a poem every day on her website since 2013. That’s right; she’s been creating and sharing a poem every day for the last 17 years. Astonishing, isn’t it? Brian was very interested in Rosemerry’s ability to be so creative, from the perspective of her daily practice and discipline, as well as her capacity to remain creative for so long and to keep it going. They call the chat on YouTube “Yes to the world as it is”. Brian asked her, “How do you do it?” and Rosemerry’s simple answer is applicable to all of us and is such an important message in most walks of life today. She describes her creative practice as anchored in the following question:

“I just ask myself: Can I show up every day and tell something that is (simple) true? I choose to meet what’s here inside of me and outside of me, and the poem is a bridge between these two worlds. And saying something true is always interesting, isn’t it?” she argues.

Not interesting because it sounds good, but just because it is an exercise in (true) curiosity. She continues by talking about how people are touched by telling the truth, by somebody (or words) being authentic and vulnerable. We strip away the longing to be good or wise, because something true is infinitely interesting.

Wow! Something true is infinitely interesting; this notion is so true. Listening to this chat, I realised that the power is firstly in the practice and then in the product, not the other way around. Sometimes the process is more important than the result – Rosemerry said the poem is a by-product of the practice (the container) – to habitually show up with a blank page and be open to notice with wonder, without being intimidated. We are often intimidated by the pressure to perform, to create, to do something good, successful, or acceptable, so that we miss the truth in every moment. Perhaps it is only the practice to do that again.

Rosemerry’s answer was not only profound; it was also a lesson to me. I realised that this blog is, or should be, the same – where I share something with you that is true for me. (It’s already something, because it’s true, not because of the number of followers or likes.) So, do I trust my experience in this moment as true and valid? Or am I so busy comparing it to all the messages I get that I’m not truly present, or that I doubt the moment? These are the questions I ask myself.

Each of us can create, say, write, or picture something true, and I believe if we live with this philosophy, the truth shall prosper. In a world full of fake news and self-deceptive stories, this practice and mindset are much needed. We have the God-given ability to be true in this moment.

This message, “yes to the world as it is”, applies to so many life situations. Maybe you’re sitting in a board meeting, afraid to share what is true? Maybe you should acknowledge the truth of your current relationship? Or the truth of a habit (good or bad)? A habit, such as parenting where we often want to negate the truth. Decide to show up, notice and acknowledge what is true for you today. Or acknowledge that you can create something just by capturing what is true for you. Try it today.

After this plane has landed, each person will rush to their next appointment or task, and the world will continue to tell them half-truths, lies, and fake news. Perhaps they will even tell themselves half-truths, just as I sometimes do. Yet, each person on this plane also has the ability to make the world a truer, more authentic place. There is enough fakeness out there; let’s counter it. Thanks to Rosemerry and Brian for reminding me that I can do one creative rhythm every day by finding the truth in every moment and being there for a while … the world as it is, is an infinitely interesting place! My truth in this moment is that on my return flight later today, I’ll have a window seat!

Brian and Rosemerry’s video conversation reminded me of a few things:

• How I sometimes tell myself half-truths and miss the moment.
• How I often strive to do something good, perfect, and profound for others and then miss the simple truth.
• How, in leadership positions, we often struggle to tell the truth, perhaps because we are scared.
• How important it is to again commit to finding a simple practice (or mindset) to create and find truth in the moment.

REFLECT

What is true for you – do you trust your own experience in this moment as valid and true?
Do you perhaps tell yourself stories about yourself that are untrue?
Where in your life are you confronted with the inability to acknowledge the truth?
What is true for you while reading this blog?

RESPOND

Find one daily creative discipline to create something true. Whether it is to take two minutes to take a photo, to pray, to feel, to speak, to write, to see …

Go and acknowledge something true! It will be infinitely interesting!

You can find Rosemerry’s daily poems here or watch her conversation with Brian Draper here.

Do share your creative stories or soulful ideas to [email protected].
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In a recent coaching conversation in my office, when the person sat down, I asked, “So, are you making progress?” Although I am trained to always weigh my words and think about any question, this was 7:30 in the morning. I knew the person very well, and it was really just a conversation starter (however, with hindsight, it never is).

The person looked at me and paused with a frown. “What a question!” he exclaimed, refraining from answering and smiling with a mischievous look. Our coaching conversation continued as normal.

A few days later, this person posted the following (summarised) on LinkedIn:

So, my dear friend asked me: Are you making progress? What a question! Progressing at what, I
thought? Work, health, emotionally, physically or socially? I realised that we never really measure
ourselves against any of these on a regular basis. And should we keep score or take stock? And if we
do, what is the scale of our measurement? Is it about more friends, better exercise, higher performance
levels, increased work output or improved financial security? Maybe we can use the Maslow principle,
moving up on the hierarchy of needs or measure our concept of love for our neighbour? Less focused
on ourselves, more focused on others? Eventually, love is the ultimate measurement of progress or
worth, isn’t it? This monitoring system (love) overrides all components of our progress in life!

Love is the ultimate measurement. Isn’t that beautiful? I am so encouraged by this post, where somebody deliberately responds to a question or a reflection and then passes it on. I never know where
a question will lead to; honestly, I don’t! This post reminded me of a few things:
 
– Questions are important – pause and reflect – don’t just give a quick answer.
– How do I define progress?
– It is important to reflect on progress regularly, as well as on the scale of measurement for
progress.
– What do we measure ourselves against?
– Love overrides everything.

Making progress might be a shallow ego-description and a quick answer when measured against social
norms, money, status and image. Yet, ultimately, it is so important to soulfully reflect on our God-given
ability to grow, to make progress, not to stagnate, and to keep moving. Soulfulness is about the deeper
reflection on these questions and regularly returning to it and its meaning. An idea might be to not think
about the theoretical answer to this question (are you making progress) but to reverse engineer this
from an experience…

          REFLECT
When was the last time you had the experience of positive movement, growth or flow?

Think about a practical example.

Why did this feel like progress?

Does this give you a clue on measuring and reflecting on your progress?
         
          RESPOND

Look at your diary and schedule 15 minutes once a month to ask and answer this question and measure
your progress.

Remember that maybe the simplest way to measure progress is to establish whether there is love in
your life – love for your work, love for the environment, love for the people around you, and love for God!

Love life!

Do share your creative stories or soulful ideas to [email protected].
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Jacob Collier is a brilliant young up and coming artist recently nominated for a grammy. He completely changed the landscape of music and music production in my view and one of the unique things he does is to use his live audience as a choir, unrehearsed. He will ask a segment of the audience to sing a specific note and another section to sing another note and then by gesturing (like a conductor), move them up or down in essence playing them like an instrument. When I listen to him playing the piano or conducting an audience choir I am just transported to soulful places and find so much hope and joy in the human ability to make music and to move together without practicing or rehearsing beforehand. It makes me optimistic about human potential and the innate ability to relate with music and to create.

In a recent interview with Simon Sinek on his podcast “a bit of optimism” Jacob shares two stories from when he was 2 years old. I don’t know how one remembers anything from early years, but he obviously has a brilliant mind and this impacted his purpose and being in a profound way. He remembers his mother conducting a choir and how he connects with her by conducting his audience as a choir. Witnessing her hand gestures left an imprint on him. Secondly, he remembers sitting on his mother’s lap while she was playing the violin.

“Looking up it felt like I am the violin, I am the music, I am the source of the sound”: he
described this early life experience.

In true Sinek fashion Simon captured this moment as Jacob’s original why, the source of his purpose. This early life experience influenced Jacob Collier to be an instrument, a vessel to make musicians out of others. What a wonderful analogy for me and you – to capture our true purpose and calling and be a
vessel and an instrument in daily life. I’ve learned through Jacob Collier’s audience choirs that the ability and potential are always there in each and every one to make music and to create together. We all have it – the God-given ability to be an instrument, the innate potential to be creative and create together. Simon Sinek said that creativity is about breaking and building something at exactly the same time.

So, take a moment to reflect on your own ability to be an instrument. Where you rediscover your child-like wonder in music, in art, in nature and in beauty. This is such an important part of soulfulness to never lose our ability to play, to follow our creative energy. The audience choir is a testament to this. Unrehearsed, not perfect, but following the collaborative creative energy making music together and finding your inner instrument!

Until next month
Go well

Do share your creative stories or soulful ideas to [email protected].
Look at the podcast between Simon and Jacob here or listen to an example of an audience choir here.

My favourite is his song Fix You with Coldplay’s Chris Martin.

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How did 2025 start for you?

When on holiday, music is part of my disconnect – music takes me places! It is a big part of my own renewal habit when I camp and walk on the beach – my earphones are my best companion. The music just transports me to places that is difficult to describe. 

Every year, a few songs manage to move deeper into my being and remind me of a meaningful moment. 

A friend introduced me to the group Haevn a few years ago and December I stumbled onto the song ‘Beginners’. This song touched me on so many levels and is so applicable for me to enter the unknown of a new year. This chorus keeps ringing in my head:

We are just beginners

Have some faith in the unknown

With every step, we learn, we grow

We are just beginners

Take a leap and learn to fall

Before we learn to fly at all

This is such an important mindset in life and leadership.  Part of living a soulful life is to have a stance where we realise that we are always just beginners. And that we need to learn to fall before we learn to fly.  Life is unknown, but with the faith to leap into the unknown we learn to grow, don’t we? And falling is often part of this.

David Cooperrider talks about having “the mindset of the everlasting beginner”. He describes this mindset as “to always be open to what is starting in us and around us with awe, inspiration and wonder.” Can we still be open to what is emerging (starting) around us and not just what we have done, what we have finished, what we already know and what we can capture, nail down and coin?

This mindset is soulful and really helps me at the start of a new year.  The song end with the reason “cause we’re beginners every day”. We are indeed beginners every day aren’t we?

Haevn sings about a relationship, but I do think this mindset is so important whether you are leading a team, managing life, entering into a relationship of try to practice your faith – life is unknown, have faith, take your step, learn and grow, because we often learn to fall before, we learn to fly.

Let’s learn to cultivate a beginner’s mindset, cause we’re beginners every day. And be open to what is emerging for you this year, in awe and wonder.

Take a few minutes and listen to this song and reflect on simple, but practical ways to cultivate this mindset and put something in your diary to remind you……

My you fly this year and learn along the way.

Go well

We live and work in a world that is sometimes upside down, with expectations, comparison and competition that is ego driven and that we identify with, often for the wrong reasons. What are you proud of today and why? If you think about yourself, your story, your identity as well as your impact today, which are the things you are really proud of? I recently watched a video where Jerry Seinfeld speaks at the annual Duke University graduation as a motivational speaker. At some point he profoundly mentioned:

We’re often embarrassed about things we should be proud of and proud of things we
should be embarrassed about. Man, that pretty much sums up our world today.

So true, isn’t it? In an ego-driven world our sense of significance is often upside down.

We are often embarrassed to be ourselves, to show our feelings and emotions, or to engage with our pain honestly. We should be strong right? Or we keep ourselves from just playing like a child again and have fun again, because of what people will think? A client recently showed me a video of her 21-month-old son crying with laughter, abundantly again and again when they chased the dog around the table. I was touched by that moment. He doesn’t care what others think he is just happy and he is showing it just as it is – his world is still so simple and authentic. Watch it here if you want.

A world where we are often embarrassed about our being human or having fun or having time. Embarrassed about doing nothing for a while or just stare at beauty for a moment and being touched by it – instead we need to produce, be productive, do, do, do.

Think about this for a moment – what are you soulfully proud of? Where can you just be authentic without worrying what other’s think? Are you perhaps embarrassed to show your pain, show your laughter, be vulnerable or to stand up for what is right although it is not the popular opinion? The things you should be proud of? May your world not be summed up by Jerry Seinfield’s statement.

Choose one thing that you are sometimes embarrassed about and be proud of it
today…….

Be proud, to just be yourself.
Go well!

You are welcome to watch Jerry Seinfeld’s speech here

Xmas in November Leaders Retreat Nov 1 st of Nov 8 th // Zorgfliet Estate
I am often embarrassed when I have nothing to do or if I schedule a day to slow down.
This Leaders Retreat is an opportunity to slow down and be proud of yourself about
scheduling this time for yourself to reflect soulfully and look ahead with purpose!

More info & Bookings

A big part of my journey with soulfulness started during Lent in 2010.  In the Christian tradition we remember the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert by giving up something or taking on a new habit for 40 days. This is a great opportunity to discern about what is really important in life and to live simpler and more intentional. I believe Lent is a wonderful opportunity for everyone, whatever your belief system or religion. 

In a recent coaching conversation, I was reminded of military drill called “Mark Time”. The dictionary describes this command as:

To change from standing at attention to “Marking Time” or to change from marching at “Quick Time” to “Marking Time” The resulting action is to march in the same place, not to move in any direction.

What a wonderful metaphor.  I believe that Lent 2024 was another opportunity to “mark time”, to find ways to figuratively march in one place.  In life we march forward to always get somewhere, often in “quick time”.  Stay in line, stand up straight, keep going but sometimes it is important to just mark the time.

What does “marking time” look like for you?

This coming weekend is Easter and Lent 2024 is finishing. How did you spend the last 40 days? Easter Weekend is another opportunity to “mark time”. We call the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday, “Silent Saturday”. Maybe we can use Saturday to “mark time” in our own way?

Richard Rohr said in a talk he gave at Google: “You are welcome here today, we are often everywhere but here aren’t we?”

The practice of marking time is active not passive – they are marching in one place – to get back into rhythm, to be more aware of each other – marking time is an active practice of presence and rhythm. We can learn from it!

What does “marking time” mean to you today – maybe it is nudging you to a specific small response?

Happy Easter!

Andre

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