Tag Archives: Soul Nudges

Soul Nudges # 25 Disconnect to connect

Posted on by Andre Kilian
03 Aug

These days we have to disconnect before we can connect. We are connected to everything and everyone constantly, but not ourselves or even God…

During the past few weeks I spent 4 days on a farm in Namibia with no cell phone or internet connection. No phone, no internet, no emails, no WhatsApp. I couldn’t reach out for my phone quickly to scroll the latest news feed, couldn’t post anything on any platform. I was totally disconnected. All I could do was to witness the sunset and sunrise, look up at the stars at night, sit at the fire and share experiences with the people around me…in person…not on zoom! What a relief, to not anxiously await a message, or an alert of something I need to do, or attend to. Just to be there…and open to what is emerging from the moment.

I had to disconnect to be able to connect to myself and to God. My kids had to look for stuff to do in nature, learn to just sit and chat, pick up wood for the fire or play board games.

And we connected.

One night in Namibia I walked away from the house to just watch the stars – my 10 year old boy walked with me and we witnessed a sky full of stars, an unbelievable sight. “Daddy why are there so many stars tonight?”, he suddenly asked me. I told him that the stars are always there we just don’t see it because of all the (artificial) light. Because sometimes we need the darkness to witness the light, don’t we? We disconnected from the artificial light that night to connect to the stars and the light.

Sometimes we have to disconnect before we can connect. Years ago Nokia made an advert with the same title – you are welcome to watch this short video as it is a powerful depiction of this notion.

Last week I spoke to a business leader while on his 3-month sabbatical. We started planning his sabbatical last year, focusing specifically on how to be deliberate in disconnecting from his office. We talked about the value of sometimes looking at your business from a distance, to look from the outside and taking an intentional step to plug out before you plug in again.

At the end of our conversation he said:

“While disconnecting I get a renewed perspective and then I become small…and my problems even smaller – I remind myself just to breathe.”

We find ourselves in the middle of this year and it might be healthy to think of where you need to disconnect to be able to connect to God, yourself and others again.

Make one small decision about this – take one small step.

To deliberately disconnect for short periods – you don’t have to be out on a farm, or be disconnected for days to experience this – just take a short walk and leave your phone at home or at the office, and see what emerges for you.

Go and deliberately disconnect, so you can soulfully connect again.

Go well.

Soul Nudges # 24 Soul Rhythms

Posted on by Andre Kilian
Shift Happens Stellenbosch South Africa.
19 Mar

Towards the end of last year my own experience was that life is very reactive. It felt like I was just firefighting and all my pro-active energy was gone. I even postponed to write these reflections – yes I apologise, the last reflection that I’ve shared was in April 2021!

A lot of people that I dealt with then really needed time to disconnect and disengage from the “busyness as usual” and just recharge. Funny story – I bumped into somebody on December 9th 2021 and asked him :”How are you” – his reply: “Man, it feels like it is the 38th of December!?”. This summarizes the way a lot of people felt towards the end of 2021.

So how did this year start for you? Many people really go for everything now that we experience more “normality” – we are trying so hard to catch up on what we have missed the last two years that we forget the slowness of the pandemic. And this is great, seize the day, use the time that you have and make the most of it.

But…

…it will be really important to remember your basic rhythms. What helps you to stay anchored, focused, energised and centered?

Think about this for a moment about one basic rhythm that helps you to anchor, to catch your breath – it can be as simple as taking a 5 minute walk or just to stand somewhere and focus on something beautiful for 2 minutes.

What would that look like for you?

Choose one simple soulful rhythm for this year…one simple action that will keep you anchored. Keep it really simple!

Then make notes or an appointment with yourself to start with this as a new rhythm. Tell somebody about it, it will make you more accountable.

Let us also remember what is going on in the Ukraine at the moment and use our rhythms to also pray for peace. It is a real privilege to even have the freedom to think about new rhythms.

You are welcome to also listen to this podcast discussion on rhythms on my channel – follow this link and let me know if you have an interesting story on rhythms.

Go well

 

Soul Nudges #20 Lockdown Ego

Posted on by Andre Kilian
18 Sep

A good day for the ego is a bad day for the soul.

– Robin Sharma –

 

What was your work experience like the past few months?

 

Some people tell me that they felt guilty for not going to work while receiving a salary, others experienced a lot of pressure due to a salary cut while not at work, and a lot of people stopped receiving any income. Some lucky ones worked from home. Whatever the circumstances, work-life looked and felt so different and we couldn’t even prepare for it. Initially, the conversations were about the space at home, saving time and money on travel, more time with the family and the amazing opportunities of online work. But a few months later people started complaining about not having boundaries, having to be online all the time, missing their colleagues, being home but not really being present and struggling with basic habits.

One of the most fascinating discoveries I’ve made was around people’s ego-spaces. James Hollis calls it the social self. They either felt free from people-distractions to focus on work or experienced a real loss in terms of the work role, status and place in the world and some felt less anxious for being able to work from a truer self.

Because with lockdown came the loss of ego space – you couldn’t walk into the office anymore thinking about what you looked like or share any personal space while presenting your slides or feel important because you have the corner office – on the online platforms you can just be yourself and then focus to get the job done. Some were freed from it and some really missed it.

It made me wonder about the following question: “Who are you when you do not go to the office – who are you if you only have your home and online space?”

Maybe this is an opportunity to be more soulful? Of course, there are a lot of downsides as well – we need to be our social selves as well to feel a connection, read facial expressions and body language.

I am still reflecting on this, but would love to hear from you about your experience on how the loss of ego-space made you more soulful to be yourself, to have more time, to just focus on the simple task on your desk (or bed)? This without wasting your energy to manage other expectations while the ego compares and compete – or maybe you’ve experienced a great loss because of all of this? Or maybe you can arrange a discussion in your team or family about these experiences?

Join me for 2 opportunities at the end of this year to just stand back for a day – reflect on this crazy year in terms of business or life, be quiet, re-align or just be.

I am doing a day retreat within the framework of contemplative spirituality for individuals at the beautiful Stillebos Retreat Farm. I am also inviting executive leaders to the annual Christmas in November Leaders retreat at San Gabriel historical farm.

Book now! Or contact me for more info.

Go well

 

Soul Nudges #19 Wilderness found us

Posted on by Andre Kilian
12 May

It is a time of global wilderness, isn’t it? In South Africa, we have been in hard lockdown for almost 40 days, significantly the same time that Jesus spent in the desert. It is as if wilderness has found us globally – we were forced into a liminal space – liminal means threshold or waiting room in Latin. Often during liminal times or times of crisis, we reflect on what matters most to us. I am struck by how this time emphasises the great inequality in South Africa. While some families share photos of how they retreated to their holiday homes for 6 weeks, others queue for days to get a small meal. While some exercise in their gardens others are forced to sit in their one chair in a 3×3 shack.

But whatever our context most of us can identify with a time of wilderness, thinking about our needs and wants and what is really important and worthwhile – and I am so encouraged to see how humanity shows itself – people that are really concerned about each other’s wellbeing. It is a time to really take responsibility and be ethical – this is indeed the great wilderness test –  a test of ethical choices all round.
If nothing else we have more time! May it be a time of wisdom and discernment, where we use the TIME that we so crave when we rush and run through life. And when you get back to “life as you know it” be very aware of what is different and how you want to do things differently. Life as we knew it will never be the same, that is for sure!

Take 5 minutes and try this:

Take few deep breaths…

What is your wilderness experience during this time?

Reflect on one thing that you learned during this time about what is really important to you.

How will you respond to this? Make sure to share this learning with one person or post it somewhere.

SOULFUL CONVERSATIONS:
As part of the diverse global experiences and how we learn from each other during this time I’m starting a few interviews with people in different contexts that I want to share.

I interviewed Brian Draper in the UK on Zoom to start the Soulful Conversations and more will follow. Watch the interview with Brian here:


May wilderness, although uncomfortable, be a time of wisdom globally!

 

Soul Nudges #18 Unity

Posted on by Andre Kilian
20 Mar

“And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently. And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal.
And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed.”   –   Kitty O’ Meara

At the beginning of 2020, I experienced the world as was more divided than ever.  Countries at war, Trump, Brexit, people struggling to work together, you name it – isn’t it ironic that now a few months later the world is busy uniting as one to fight Covid-19.  We have no choice – suddenly we agree on one thing and the only way to get through this is to stand together and work together.  It levels the playing field.  Suddenly background, wealth, ethnicity, culture, ideology doesn’t make any difference, no exceptions – we are all in this together whether we want it or not.

This is an opportunity for unity – let’s unite with Kitty O’Meara and pray for healing on all levels – and find new ways of being. I am already witnessing immense care and the goodness of people at work and play. This is a testing time globally it challenges us towards thinking and being aware of each other in different ways.  Suddenly space and touch mean different things than a few weeks ago.  Somebody shared with me yesterday how paradigms can quickly shift and gave the following example:  “be a good neighbour – stay at home!”

Maybe it is a time to turn in, read books, listen, pray, meditate and rest. In the Christian tradition, it is also the season of Lent where we are aware of time in the wilderness – and isn’t this a wilderness experience in some sort of way for most of us?

May you be safe wherever you are!

Soul Nudges #17 Ring the bell

Posted on by Andre Kilian
27 Jan

Thich Nhat Hanh tells a beautiful story in his book “Silence” about the Coconut Monk. This monk did many things to teach peace.  In Vietnam, at the time of the war, he once collected bullet and bomb fragments from an area in the Mekong Delta. He then did an extraordinary thing – he took the bullet and bomb fragments and forged them into a big bell – he called it the bell of mindfulness. He then hung this bell in his practice centre in Mekong Delta  and wrote the following poem:

Dear bullets, dear bombs, I have helped you come together in order to practice. In your former life, you have killed and destroyed. But in this life, you are calling out to people to wake up, to wake up to humanity, to love, to understanding.
This bell’s very existence was a symbol of how transformation is possible and he rang it every morning and every night to invite soldiers into times of reflection.

At the beginning of this year, I really hope this story helps you to believe that you can make small changes in the way you live and work. That even difficult things and brokenness can be used as a reminder. And may the metaphor of the bell remind you to make small decisions about the way that you will (literally or metaphorically) ring a bell in your own life to remind you of the small changes and habits that you want to stick to this year. To wake up to humanity and love. Do keep it simple!

And let’s remember the words of Leonard Cohen in his song “Anthem”:

      Ring the bells that still can ring

      Forget the perfect offering

      There’s a crack in everything

      But that’s where the light gets in


Your response:

  Take 5 minutes to think reflectively about the following.

How can you create something that can be like a bell that rings in your life this year – something that reminds you to stop, to love and to be human? Think about something simple that you can use as a reminder, not to make you feel guilty, but to help you, your team or your family to believe that small changes and transformation is possible in 2020. It can be a reminder on your phone, a photo or a picture against a wall, a tree that you pass every morning or maybe a bell at your office?  Keep it simple and specific though…

My bell was a drop of water…watch the video of my story here. 

Events for 2020:

I am again conducting a few retreats and leadership retreats this year – more information can be found here.

And I still spend time with individuals and teams on request for reflective walks, experiential team development processes and team retreats – more information here.

I regularly spend time with teams in a labyrinth – ask me about this.

Also, keep letting me know if you have any soulful stories to share – it is wonderful to hear about the small moments that provide meaning and purpose.

Ring the bell!

André

Soul Nudges #14 Soulful Work

Posted on by Andre Kilian
15 Aug

Many people who are secretly weary of work have never given themselves time, or taken time out or away from work, to allow their spirits to catch up!

– John O’Donohue

This is so true on many different levels, isn’t it? Taking TIME to allow your spirit (or being) to catch up is often quite difficult.

What is it that we need in this day and age to make sure that we stay connected to the deeper part of work? And is it even realistic?

I refer to work not only as paid job or occupation – I refer to any part of “your life’s work”-  being a manager, parent, friend, partner or leader. Is work something that you just do or is it part of who you are? Is it possible that work can be more than what you do, but also how you do it?

John O’Donohue, Irish Poet and Scholar, writes beautifully about work in his book, “Anam Cara”.

“Work could be an arena of possibility and expression and our nature longs for it”, he writes. 

“The soulful approach to the workplace ensures that creativity and spontaneity become energising forces. Remember when you sell your soul, you ultimately buy a life of misery!”

The workplace as a soulful place of creativity and spontaneity? Is this too good to be true or even possible?

It must be possible to find some simple spontaneity or creativity through work to allow your spirit to catch up. It might not be possible to change everything today, but maybe you can change the way you look at things, and look at work with a creative and kind eye as a small step?

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change!

RESPONSE?

Find one mundane aspect of your work today to do as if it was the first time you were doing it. If it was the first time you had to do this, how would you approach it with creativity and try something different?

Think about the basics. Just the way you arrive at work or leave your home or greet a colleague or pick up the kids or pay the bills or prepare food! Maybe just be creative about the way you sit at your desk?

Go and do your “life’s work” as if for the first time with creativity.

Work soulfully!

André

Sou Nudges #13 Your next 5 minutes

Posted on by Andre Kilian
13 Jun

Soul Nudges 13 // Your next 5 minutes

 

How will you spend your next 5 minutes?

Five minutes are often not enough to do anything significant – not enough for a proper conversation, a game with your kids, a meeting, a walk, a run or just to try and finish an important piece of work. You cannot accomplish much in 5 minutes, right?

In a recent coaching discussion, I conversed with somebody about ideas to bring “the positive” into the present – Shawn Achor (The Happiness Advantage) mentions ideas to bring positive stories and thoughts into the present, and one way is by keeping a gratitude diary. By writing down each day, what you are grateful for and keeping track of that, focuses you into the positive instead of just being negative and reactive. Our coaching conversation centred on the theme of significance and the person’s need to experience significance and she came up with the great idea of a “significance diary”– to have a separate journal or space in her diary and capture moments of significance every day even in the most ordinary situations. What a great idea!

A few days later I received an email from her (with feedback) and a quote of Tom Peters –

“Excellence is not an aspiration. Excellence is what you do in the next five minutes”.

Excellence is what you do in the next 5 minutes even if it is simply to be awake for a significant moment in your day or whatever you are grateful for.

This is such a simple concept in life and work. Be deliberate about how you spend the next 5 minutes, be it leading your team or organisation, having a conversation with a child, seeing the beauty in nature, taking a breath or even just the way that you are driving.

Excellence is not in a specific position, or status, or bank balance or the next business deal. Excellence is simply how you spend the next 5 minutes and recognise the significance within that.

Why don’t you start a significance diary or just take 5 minutes each day to be more deliberate?

Five minutes can make a significant difference!

 

Go well

Soul Nudges #12 Re-treat yourself

Posted on by Andre Kilian
09 May

Soul Nudges 12 // Re-treat yourself

 

I am preparing for a day retreat at the end of May to create space for people to stand back from life – and treat themselves with space and time in God’s presence. Although this specific event is taken from the perspective of Contemplative Christian Spirituality, it is a good habit for anyone to slow the pace and re-treat now and then in your own way.

The word “retreat” as a noun means:

 the act of moving back or withdrawing…

It might feel like a treat just to move back or withdraw for a few seconds in a day or once a month or every six months – try and make a small decision how you will do this for yourself in the next few weeks. You can either book the retreat or try any of the following:

Gratitude diary:

Write down three things that you are grateful for and go and tell somebody about this. Keep up this habit for 28 days.

Space:

Think about one area in your life where you need/crave space at the moment. What would one simple step towards that look like? It might be a deliberate 10-minute walk over lunch? Or a longer, deliberate pause between meetings? Or a prayer? Decide to take one step to create this space and schedule time to get back to this.

Treat yourself and re-treat!